Undercover, or I Don't Get Paid Enough For This
by Katsuko1978
Summary: Soundwave and Starscream go on an undercover mission disguised as a bonded couple. One problem: they can't stand each other. Response to the TF2007 Fun Anon Kink Meme. Slash, non-graphic, some violent imagery.


**Title:** Undercover (or, I Don't Get Paid Enough For This)  
**Warnings:** slash, plug-and-play that hits the border of sticky without crossing the line, rough/hate sex  
**Summary:** Both a prompt from tfbunnyfarm and tf2007fun's anon kink meme (whoops, not so anonymous now, am I? Oh well!): _Soundwave and Starscream go on an undercover mission disguised as a bonded couple. One problem: they can't stand each other. (Though maybe by the end of it...?)_

...

Honestly, folks. It's me writing my OTP for a kink meme, what _else_ could happen but mech-porn?

* * *

Normally, Soundwave wouldn't mind going on a mission for his supreme commander; he was nothing if not staunchly loyal to the Decepticon cause. Likewise, he had nothing against going on said mission under the guise of a 'second honeymoon,' as the humans on that boring little mud ball would phrase it. Given the right situation, he could possibly even see fit to mix a little business with pleasure.

"I still don't see why the slag it had to be _you_ Megatron sent as my backup."

Of course, when Starscream was thrown into the equation, Soundwave had to wonder what he had done wrong for his leader to punish him so.

Part of him understood the reasoning for Megatron sending the 2IC on this assignment; the neutral zone they were scouting was supposed to have an unrefined power source that would convert to enough energon to keep the army supplied for quite some time without either having to deal with the Autobots or their human pets, or breaking the already uneasy truce between the factions by stealing what they needed. Starscream, having been a scientist before the war, was the most likely mech amongst the Decepticon forces to be able to confirm if the power source was legit. Soundwave wouldn't deny that the seeker was brilliant; the problem was that, quite frankly, he detested the traitorous little glitch.

And the feeling was more than mutual.

"It is not as if I wish to be in your company either," Soundwave remarked in his usual tone, sneering at the seeker from behind his mask. "Megatron likely wishes for me to keep an eye on you and ensure that you do not attempt to double-cross him yet again."

Starscream glared at the telepath and thought – very loudly – that Soundwave could just go interface with himself. Aloud he added, "And don't even _think_ that I would lower my standards for this charade of Megatron's!"

The telepath ignored him. To be honest, he didn't plan on being any more than outwardly 'affectionate' towards his 'mate' much more than necessary. He really _would_ rather try interfacing with himself first.

* * *

Things were, to put it mildly, not going well.

First of all, considering that it was a neutral zone they were headed into, neither Starscream nor Soundwave had any weapons on them. _That_ had not pleased the seeker in the least, and the Constructicons had nearly had to lock the mech in stasis in order to relieve him of not only null rays but cluster bombs as well. Cue one sulky, fragged-off Starscream that would be spending the next several orns with the 3IC.

Secondly, the exact location of the proposed power source was located in what amounted to a couple's retreat. What had Megatron been _thinking_, sending in two mechs who couldn't stand one another? To be honest, if Soundwave were to suddenly burst into flames, Starscream would not only make no attempts to extinguish the fire but actively look for something to make it burn hotter.

Not that the 3IC wasn't pleasing to the optics; far from it. The main problem with Soundwave was that he was unquestioningly loyal, and Starscream was of the firm opinion that any mech who blindly followed was a few circuits short of a motherboard, communications genius or not.

So here he was, in the middle of Neutral Nowhere, stuck playing bondmates with Captain Monotone while a far-too-cheerful fembot yammered on about the planet's natural hot springs and techno-organic flora. Starscream was convinced that the larger mech would be enjoying the suffering he was going through if not for the fact that they were _both_ being subjected to it.

"So," the fembot drawled, smiling warmly even though her optics kept darting back and forth between the two of them. "I guess the current truce is a good thing for y'all. I didn't think anyone on the front lines got to have very much in the way of breaks or vacation time."

The seeker very nearly whacked Soundwave on the back of the head since Megatron wasn't available for him to hit; why did it never occur to their 'mighty' leader that someone would peg their insignias? _Neutral_ wasn't synonymous with _stupid_, after all! Since it didn't look like the useless telepath was going to reply, Starscream grabbed hold of the first valid story that popped into his processor and rolled with it.

"It's definitely a change for the better," he said, offering what had once upon a time been considered a shy smile for him. "If the truce leads into lasting peacetime, we might _finally_ get a start on the family we want."

He bit it back vocally, but vicious laughter at the whiplash Soundwave nearly gave himself turning to fix him with what was probably an incredulous look echoed in his thoughts. If the darkening of the other's visor was any indication, he was getting the mother of all death glares right about now. For her part, the fembot looked both surprised and far too pleased.

"In that case, I hope the peace holds," she chirped. "Who knows, you might even get a jump on your family plans this trip." Before she could add much more, one of the mechs also working the check-in point called for her and she gave them a final bright smile before going to see what the situation was.

Starscream heaved a relieved sigh through his vents but was pulled up short from heading towards the room assigned to them by a tight grip on his arm. The seeker turned his gaze to Soundwave slowly, reveling in the anger he could feel radiating off his partner in this deception.

_:Where in the name of the Unmaker did _that_ come from?:_ the telepath demanded, his frustration clear in the fact that he didn't bother with speaking aloud to him.

Starscream pulled his arm free and smirked. "It both explained our presence here and got rid of her, didn't it?" was all he said before gliding off. The heavy footsteps behind him as well as the mental grousing directed his way made him smile viciously to himself.

If nothing else, he could use what spare time he had to throw Soundwave off his pedestal.

* * *

After the check-in point, Soundwave was hoping that the treacherous little glitch would be able to locate that power source quickly and run the necessary tests without causing any more trouble. That hope fizzled and died with the discovery that the area that they needed to scout was closed off for the next two orns; apparently a sudden storm before their arrival had washed out the hiking trails and the resort owners were in the process of making sure the area was still safe for ground-based hikers as well as aerial-builds. Normally this would prove an opportune moment to obtain the necessary samples, if not for the fact that there were at least three mechs patrolling the area at all times.

So there really wasn't much of a choice _but_ to keep up the act and be seen around the resort like all the other happy couples. If Starscream could keep his mouth shut for a few joors, Soundwave probably wouldn't have minded too much.

However, Soundwave forgot one very important fact: he was with _Starscream_, and Starscream apparently liked to hear himself speak. And he was reveling in sticking to the story he'd blurted out only half an orn ago, leading the telepath to the logical conclusion that the seeker had a profound death wish and was – in his own twisted way – asking Soundwave to please kill him in the most painfully humiliating way possible.

It was terribly tempting to give into the urge to do just that, but Megatron might be a little annoyed if he returned to base with the news that the Air Commander was smoldering at the bottom of one of the neutral planet's hot springs.

So he suffered through the seeker's babbling with the genuine couples, although when the topic shifted from means of reigniting the fire in a relationship (and just who the slag had Starscream been with that enjoyed being bitten?!) to the pros and cons of interfacing in public locations Soundwave had had more than enough. Without apology he stood up, grabbed the seeker's arm in a grip that could crush the plating if he applied just a little more pressure, and began dragging him off to their room. And of _course_ the glitch had to comment on it to his acquaintances.

"Insatiable, I tell you," the seeker drawled melodramatically, prompting giggles from the femme couple he'd been speaking to. He probably would have added more had Soundwave not started walking faster. The telepath could practically feel the amusement radiating off the other mech, which only served to ratchet his annoyance up another few notches.

Which is why it really shouldn't have come as a shock to the seeker when, upon being dragged into their room for the duration of this mission, Soundwave turned around and punched him.

The blow caught him by surprise, however, and Starscream only just managed to keep from slamming back against the door. It didn't _feel_ like the other had cracked his facial plating or the optic, but it was the principle of the thing. Yes, he was purposely trying to annoy Soundwave, but that was no excuse for throwing punches!

"You over-clocked pile of scrap!" Starscream snarled, regaining his footing and fixing a glare on his 'mate.' "What the slag is your problem?!"

"_You_ are my problem," was the even reply, although for once there was more than a hint of frustrated anger in the telepath's tone.

The seeker glared for a moment longer before a smirk made its way across his features. "Poor you," he sneered. "Big bad soldier can't handle a little _friendly_ ribbing from a comrade. Whatever happened to that superiority complex of yours, or does it only apply when you're spouting it off to Autobrats?"

Soundwave actually growled his next words: "Recommendation: shut _up_."

"Or what?" Starscream challenged, annoying smirk still in place. "You'll hit me again?"

He gave no more warning this time than he did on the first strike, but this time the seeker shifted to the left just slightly and caught Soundwave's fist in a firm grip. The telepath's momentary surprise was just long enough for Starscream to launch a sharp kick to his midsection, releasing his hold at the same time. Soundwave wasn't quite so fortunate as the other had been in regaining his balance quickly and hit the ground hard.

"You only get one free shot, _dearest_," Starscream sneered, hands on his hips and looking far too smug. "Now we're even."

There had never been a time that Soundwave wished he had his cannon more than right now; he had forgotten that Starscream, like all seekers, had at least one talent in his arsenal aside from flying capabilities. It was difficult to forget that fact where Skywarp and Thundercracker were concerned, but it was terribly easy to forget that _this_ seeker got his name not from his annoying vocalizer but from his speed. No Decepticon could match it either on the ground or in the air, and Soundwave had underestimated him.

Still, the telepath had reached the end of his patience. When the arrogant seeker moved to step over him as if he were no more than a stone in the path, Soundwave grabbed hold of his leg and pulled _hard_. Starscream toppled backward, crashing to the floor with a yelp. Before he could get back on his feet the larger mech moved to catch the seeker by the throat.

Unfortunately, that only seemed to amuse Starscream. "You're pathetic," he sneered. "Completely useless without your fragging cassettes to do the dirty work for you."

"Cease your annoying prattle before I tear your vocalizer out," Soundwave snapped; a part of him was frustrated that he'd let the glitch get him worked up enough to abandon his usual emotionless façade.

"Make me."

Things went downhill from there. With a snarl of rage the telepath resorted once again to physical blows, getting in three hits to the seeker's face and torso before Starscream somehow (was it possible that all seekers were that flexible or was it another thing that applied only to _this_ seeker?) flipped his legs up to wrap around Soundwave's neck and throw him across the room. Now that both were on their feet, the fight grew more brutal. The seeker favoured furious kicks to punches but still threw more than a few of those as well. Neither of the officers would be walking away unscathed.

Soundwave found that, in some part of his processor, he was actually growing aroused by this altercation, and if the glint in Starscream's optics meant anything, he wasn't the only one.

The telepath caught Starscream's leg as the other launched another brutal kick his way, twisting it and forcing his opponent to turn away from him; the seeker pulled on the limb to drag Soundwave closer and reached over his head to grab hold of the other mech's helm and throw them both to the floor. In the fall, the 2IC managed to tear Soundwave's mask off and quickly subspaced it as a trophy.

"I hate you," the Decepticon third snarled, catching hold of one of Starscream's wings and jerking on it, using the seeker's immediate distraction to reverse their positions and pin him to the floor.

"The feeling's mutual," Starscream hissed in reply.

They were both running hot from their fight, and the excess pressure build-up could leave them out of commission for nearly an orn if it wasn't burned off fast. Continuing the fight would only add fuel to the fire, and no matter _how_ much they despised one another, Megatron would have both their heads if they failed in their mission.

"Good," the telepath said shortly, digging one hand into Starscream's wing even as he fairly tore open the pelvic plating that covered the other's interfacing ports. The seeker hissed and clawed at Soundwave's face before returning the favour, only he really _did_ rip off the plating. It probably would have been easier to simply sparkshare, but that was far too intimate for Decepticons in general and these two specifically.

Even after plugging their cords into one another's ports, even as they sent pulses of their own energy through that connection, neither officer gave an inch. Soundwave bent the plating on Starscream's wing; the seeker dug his fingers into and through the plating on the telepath's shoulders; Soundwave yanked at exposed wiring in an arm; Starscream snarled and bit down hard into one of the other's neck cords. They only ceased trying to tear each other apart when they finally hit overload, the sudden flux of energy going through their connection knocking them both temporarily offline.

Slowly rebooting first, Starscream reached between them and carefully disconnected himself from the telepath, letting his hand fall limply on his thigh afterward. Despite the fact that he could feel the extent of the damage Soundwave had done to him (and it was going to take his self-repair systems at least the next quarter orn to reverse even the lesser tears and cracks in his plating, never mind the heavier damage), he couldn't recall _ever_ offlining during overload.

A shift of plating and nearly inaudible grumbling drew his attention back to Soundwave, who was finally rebooting as well. He unconsciously repeated Starscream's move of disconnecting them, only once he'd done that he pushed himself off to the side and seemed content to lie where he fell after that. Much like the seeker, he was mentally mulling over the fact that the best overload of his life had been with a mech he detested.

He gave a sharp huff of his vents before onlining his optics and glowering at the seeker through his visor. "This changes nothing," he said, vocalizer shifting back into its usual monotonous lilt.

Said seeker waved one hand absently. "Agreed," was the reply. Silence fell between them at last as they pulled themselves to their feet and moved towards the recharge berth. Only once they were settled in – not touching one another and definitely not facing – did Starscream remove Soundwave's mask from his subspace and hand it back without a word.

They still hated one another... but perhaps they'd found a way to deal with that.

_end_


End file.
